**UPDATE**

 

 

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 I am back from being out of town. I am still experiencing problems with this Space. I am trying to get it resolved; however, so far...nothing has been successful. So, I shall leave a few funnies...then perhaps...after a few days ( weeks, months?) everyone, incuding myself, will be able to leave comments.

 

 

 

 

The Urinal Is Too High

            A group of 3rd, 4th and 5th graders, accompanied by two
            female teachers, Went on a field trip to the local
            racetrack (Doomben) to learn about thoroughbred horses and
            the supporting industry (Bourbon), but mostly to see the
            horses. When it was time to take the children to the
            bathroom it was decided that the girls would go with one
            teacher and the boys would go with the other. The teacher
            assigned to the boys was waiting outside the men's room
            when one of the boys came out and told her that none of
            them could reach the urinal. Having no choice, she went
            inside, helped the boys with their pants, and began
            hoisting the little boys up one by one holding onto their
            "wee wees" to direct the flow. As she lifted one, she
            couldn't help but notice that he was unusually well
            endowed. Trying not to show that she was staring, the
            teacher said, "You must be in the 5th grade." "No, ma'am,
            " he replied. "I'm the jockey riding Silver Arrow in the
            seventh .

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Three things to think about:

1. Cows

2. The Constitution

3. The Ten Commandments

Cows:  Is it just me or does anyone else find it amazing that our
government can track a cow born in Canada almost three years ago right to
the stall where she sleeps in the state of Washington ? And they tracked
her calves to their stalls. But they are unable to locate 11 million
illegal aliens wandering around our country. Maybe we should give them all
a cow.

The Constitution:  They keep talking about drafting a Constitution for Iraq
. Why don't we just give them ours? It was written by a lot of really smart
guys, its worked for more than 200 years, and we're not using it anymore.

The Ten Commandments: and the real reason we can't have the Ten
Commandments in a courthouse: You can not post "Thou shalt not steal,"
"Thou shalt not commit adultery" and "Thou shalt not lie" in a building
full of politicians. It creates a hostile work environment.

 

 

                             

 

                                  

                              ~*~PJ~*~

 

 

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                                              **UPDATE as of Nov. 18, 2006**

 

After numerous attempts from MSN support on fixing my space...I finally think I figured it out all alone. I "reset" my privacy settings and lo and behold..I was finally able to exit the "edit mode". We shall see if this is temporary or what.  Well...it seems it didn't work afterall. Will have to wait until I return. **POUTS**

 

 

 

Thanks for hanging in there with me.                                                      

                                                   

 

 

 

 

                                                                       

 

 

 

 

                                    

 

 

 

 

                                         

                                         

 

 

 

The parrot says, "I was born this way. I'm a defective parrot."

"Holy crap," the guy replies. "You actually understood and answered me!"

"I got every word," says the parrot. "I happen to be a highly intelligent thoroughly educated bird."

"Oh yeah! ?" the guy asks, "Then answer this -- how do you hang onto your perch without any feet?"

"Well," the parrot says, "this is very embarrassing but since you asked, I wrap my weenie around this wooden bar like a little hook. You can't see it because of my feathers."

"Wow," says the guy. "You really can understand and speak English can't you?"

"Actually, I speak both Spanish and English, and I can converse with reasonable competence on almost any topic: politics, religion, sports, physics, philosophy. I'm especially good at ornithology. You really ought to buy me. I'd be a great companion."

The guy looks at the $20,000 price tag. "Sorry, but I just can't afford that."

"Pssssssst," says the parrot, "I'm defective, so the truth is, nobody wants me cause I don't have any feet. You can probably get me for $20; just make the guy an offer!"

The guy offers $20 and walks out with the parrot.

Weeks go by. The parrot is sensational. He has a great sense of humor, he's interesting, he's a great pal, he understands everything, he sympathizes, and he's insightful. The guy is delighted.

One day the guy comes home from work and the parrot goes, "Psssssssssssst," and motions him over with one wing. "I don't know if I should tell you this or not, but it's about your wife and the postman."


"What are you talking about?" asks the guy.


"When the postman delivered the mail today, your wife greeted him at the door in a sheer black nightie."


"WHAT???" the guy asks incredulously. "THEN what happened?"


"Well, then the postman came into the house and lifted up her nightie and began petting her all over," reported the parrot.


"NO!" he exclaims. "And she let him?"


"Yes.  Then he continued taking off the nightie! , got down on his knees and began to kiss her all over...."



Then the frantic guy demands, "THEN WHAT HAPPENED?"

 

"Damned if I know. I got a hard on and fell off my perch!"

Have a most wonderful day/evening!!!!!